The Song of Insanity
by percychased
Summary: There's a fine line with being okay and wanting okay, and if anyone knows it, it's Lavender. ;; LunaLavender.


_The Song of Insanity_

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-warnings for insanity and femmeslash. Not too sure about the formatting/description with this one, it's more of an experiment than anything else...

-Big Sis/Lil Sis, using LunaLavender , piano keys, abandoned, soul and sea green, along with the dialogue "You never loved me anyways." Ties in with Teddy's fic, with the lyrics 'align my heart, my body, my mind' from Dust Bowl Dance and a kind of 'savior after the war' sort of theme. Words cannot describe how much I ship this pairing now..

-All Sorts of Love Competition; femmeslash.

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**There's a fine line between being **_**okay **_**and wanting **_**okay, **_**and if anyone knows it, it's Lavender Brown.**

She forgets, but sometimes she remembers.

Sometimes she remembers the screaming and the blood, and it all comes in flashbacks, like a storybook that's been ripped apart and glued back together with missing pages.

But sometimes she's blissfully unaware of the happenings, and she'll run her fingers down her cheek and her brow will furrow in confusion, because she can't quite remember how the deep scars in the marred flesh got there. She feels it, but she doesn't know why. She feels a little bit crazy and a little bit dizzy, but maybe everyone else is feeling like that, too.

Her heart is running a marathon, but her brain is all the way at the starting line, and she's wishing, _hoping _that maybe they'll align.

**Luna thinks, **_**knows, **_**music is another form of magic. **

It's one of her monsters. No, not the one lurking in the forest, just waiting to be found, but the one _up there. _She can't run, can't hide from it. She remembers her mothers music, but it's like a broken trail of photos in her memory.

It makes her feel _alone, _alone like nothing had before. 'Course, she'd always been alone and she knows alone is okay sometimes, because alone, the _good _kind of alone, means you're alright. For her, anyways.

Music, the notes coming from the notes the piano keys created winding together to make something so beautiful, so graceful, could only remind her of her mother and father, clearing a space on the floor and dancing together to the sweet melody, and sometimes they'd ask her to join in. They would all dance together, 'round and 'round and 'round until the moon came up, reflecting off the stained window and making the floor look like a glittering green ocean and they would all go to bed, happy.

Music is magic to her. It makes her happy and sad and bittersweet and alone and she's not sure how exactly that works, except for the fact that it's magic.

**In a twisted sort of way, the scars make her **_**better. **_

Instead of leaning over to Parvati to whisper something harsh and degrading about Luna at the End of War Celebration Ball, she walks up to the girl. Now Lavender knows what it's like to be cringed at. People that she called friends, once, avoid her like the plague.

It makes her wonder why she once cared so much about something so trivial as someone's appearance.

She walks up to the girl, sitting on the side of the dance floor with a dreamy expression on her face and for once in her life, Lavender understands her a bit. She knows what it's like to be different now, to have people glance your way and wince.

"Congratulations on your Order of Merlin," she whispers to Luna, who has the medal with '_Order of Merlin: Third Class, for bravery in a time of darkness_' printed on it dangling from her pinky finger.

It's the first time Lavender's talked to Luna - _actually _talked, not teasing or mocking.

Luna smiles back, looking a little lost. "Thank you, it's quite pretty, isn't it?" She held up the medallion for examination. "Although I don't quite fancy the bronze metal - silver wards off the dark, so I'd much rather that."

Lavender laughs, truly amused. She wished there was a less cliched way to say it, but it was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

**She _never _stopped wishing upon a star. Luna still does, to this day. **

Luna's wishing for the people who feel so hopeless sometimes, they don't know what to do. She's not wishing for herself, but for the creature in the forest to stay safe, for her mum way up in the heavens and for her father, still struggling beneath the skies without her.

She's wishing for her new friend Lavender to be okay. She wants to hear Lavender's song again, her metaphorical song that's graceful and kind and completely her, because it's starting to fade. Every time they see each other, meet up for tea in Diagon Alley, she's a bit more quiet, a bit more sad.

The last time they met, the conversation had took a turn for the serious.

"I don't know, Luna... I'm so _confused_... what's wrong with me? I remember, but not really, and the stuff I remember is driving me mad."

Luna had touched her cheek, featherlight, and looked her straight in the eye and said "Don't give up. Find your song, Lavender. Find _your _music."

She was wishing Lavender would.

**Something just _snapped, _and it hit so hard she felt as though she was struck by a hurricane. **

Lavender didn't even know why. She had been so dizzy for the longest time, and it all came in flashbacks, longer and more vivid until one night, it all came back...

After not knowing how she got the wretched scars caving in her cheek, she remembers. She remembers, and she can feel the carefully winded strings of her mind unravelling, because it was _just so horrible _and _how did she even live, __why _did she live? She screams into the darkness, a voice choked with blurring tears and anger and Lavender can't even tell if she's happy or sad anymore. She feels abandoned - _where did everybody go _- they left her, didn't they...

She sees the man looming over her, mossy teeth revealed under a curled lip, sneering at her evilly. She can't even tell if he's real or not, and she's wondering if this is her fault, because he's not going anywhere. "Stupid little blood traitor," the werewolf snarls, and as the flesh in her cheek is being ripped apart she's pretty sure her whole entire soul is being torn with it.

She's screaming again, loud, blood-curdling screams that are stretching and snapping her brain, each _snap _driving her closer to insanity. She's yelling "You never really loved me, anyway, not at all!" and Lavender can't tell if she's yelling at herself, because Merlin, she might just be, or maybe to everyone who ever disliked her. Or perhaps it's just simply words, because Lavender Brown likes having the last word in things.

Then it's silent.

Lavender's eyes fly open, and she realizes she's sobbing, tangled in her bedsheets. Her body is covered with a sheen of cold sweat, and her heart is ready to burst through her chest. Her hand reaches up to touch the scar flesh. _Don't give up. _

Even though it was just a dream, it felt like she was living two different realities. _Don't give up. _The words flash to her head immediately.

She could hear the voice in her mind from earlier that day, feel the gentle caress of her cheek and maybe it felt softer in her memory, but did all of her skin feel that soft?

_Don't give up._

And despite the shaking, traumatized state she was in, Lavender smiled.


End file.
